3 WAYS TO STOP SELF-SABOTAGING!
Are you self-sabotaging your own success?
Here are the top three ways that you are giving away your own power and diminishing your authority and how to break the cycle.
#1 - Your language and choice of words
The first way is through your language and communication. We, as women especially, often use language that minimizes our value.
Our ability to communicate confidently and effectively has a dramatic effect on our ability to create success in our businesses but so many of us use weak language which sabotages our efforts to be seen as an authority and an expert.
We use phrases like “I feel that” “I think that” “or “I believe”.
This undermines our credibility because we don’t sound confident in what we are saying. Just notice the difference in how you feel when I say “I think that these tips will help you” versus “I know that these tips will help you”.
Think about how weak language like this will affect a potential client’s reaction on a sales call…or even in a FB live training like this.
Do you want to come off as the expert who knows they can deliver results? Or as someone who thinks they can get results for you.
Instead of saying what you think or feel, use words such as “I’m confident that…” or “I know that…”
Also, stop finishing your sentences with a need for confirmation.
“This is good work, don’t you think? Or “This is a great technique, isn’t it?”.
This communicates that you are not completely confident and you need reassurance.
And the big one…..the word “just”
It’s just a 5-carat diamond ring – see how that diminishes the value.
I’m convinced that if you eliminated the word “just” from your vocabulary, you’ll see a huge difference in the way you are perceived.
So to stop your self-sabotage, you’ll want to use mindfulness to become aware that you use weak language and then eliminate and/or replace the words that are negatively affecting people’s perceptions of you.
#2 – Your habitual apologizing
Apologizing out of habit or when not actually necessary also diminishes your value.
Women seem to apologize whenever they do something that is contradictory to the deep, ingrained belief that women should be soft, and comforting. Soft and comforting is not going to get you to the success that you want. You can be kind, courageous and tenacious. You can be assertive and approachable.
Save your apologies for the times when a mistake or error has been made or when someone is truly hurt.
We apologize because we don’t want to offend or upset anyone and because we want people to like us. But when you apologize, you are taking on blame for not living up to the expectation that you think someone else has of you.
Let that sink in...I'll say it again…
When you apologize out of habit, you are accepting fault for not living up to your perception of someone else’s expectations of you.
You give your power away because you are not acknowledging that you & your needs are just as important as the other person.
It’s positioning yourself as inferior to the other person!
You do not need to apologize for requiring someone’s time or attention. You are worthy of it and have every right to ask for it.
I encourage you to start noticing when you are apologizing. Bring awareness to it and decide if it is a heartfelt apology due a valid reason or if it is part of your habitual language that is secretly eating away at your worth and your authority.
# 3 – Stop the people pleasing
It never feels good to have someone angry or disappointed with you but being a people pleaser will definitely hold you back in your business.
Maybe you held yourself back from writing a post or doing a live because it might offend or upset some people?
Maybe you are wearing yourself out trying to make everyone happy or be everything to everyone.
Or maybe you can’t niche down because you want to help everyone.
Oftentimes, people-pleasers are desperate for external approval so they feel appreciated and joyous when they get it and like a failure or even worthless when they don’t.
This leaves you open to being manipulated or taken advantage of. People may abuse your inability to say no to get what is best for them. People-pleasers have an excessive compulsion to be liked and appear likable. This tendency impedes their ability to influence results.
People pleasing behaviors like indecisiveness, lack of direction, low accountability and overall inefficiency can threaten your survival in today’s highly competitive business climate.
Oprah says “You can not live a brave life without disappointing some people.”
But that’s ok because the people that really matter will be happy for you for living your authentic brave life.
Honestly, this was a big one for me, I was worried I would be seen as a bitch or someone who thinks they are better than other people. I had to realize that I know I am not either of those things so it doesn’t really matter if someone thinks I am…because I know the truth.
Start saying NO! It’s normal and healthy to say “no.” It doesn’t have to be rude and can be polite and firm.
• You’re not responsible for how others feel. You can only control how you feel. People have their own issues, so be clear about boundaries.
• You are the only person to determine your worth. Your value as a person and a business owner do not come from external approval. Affirmation and confidence come from within, not from others.
To recap, your communication could be self-sabotaging your efforts without you knowing it. Here are my top three tips:
#1 – Eliminate or replace your weak language
#2 – Stop apologizing out of habit
#3 – Stop the people pleasing
If you do these things, then you’ll be perceived as an authority and expert in your field, you will feel much more confident to go out and share your message, sales calls will go more smoothly, and you will more easily create the success that you’ve been waiting for! Don’t delay and put these tips into action right now!!!
If there is any way that I can support you, reach out. I’d be happy to help.